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I stayed up late the other night? fretting. Fretting over homeschooling. Fretting over Lilla. And fretting over homeschooling Lilla.

I sat in bed and thought about all the things she was missing out on by not being in school; being around other kids all day; the structure of the classroom; learning to listen and follow rules.?I worried about her being socialized, about her having enough friends, about her simply turning out okay, until I finally had to force myself to go to sleep. Sleep did not come easily.

The next day started like any other day; we had breakfast, we did some school work, and when Bette started getting restless, we moved our activities upstairs for a change of scenery.?Bette dumped out the same box of toys that she does every day. She tried on the same shoes that she does every single day. And we had the same little argument, like we do everyday, about whose room we were going to play in first.

Some days, it is all I can do to sit there, doing the exact same thing I did the day before. Some days, it is all so mind numbing. And most days, I am counting the minutes down until nap time.

But then something unexpected happened. Lilla picked up a baby doll and Bette copied her. Lilla laid her baby down to change her diaper and so did Bette. Lilla rocked and shushed her baby. And Bette rocked her baby and tried so hard to say shhhh too. They pushed their babies around in their strollers and they laid them down to sleep in the cradle together.

And it was just so right. Despite all my fears the night before and despite all my anxieties about homeschooling Lilla, I knew right then, watching my two girls, that we are exactly where we are supposed to be, which is at home together.

And that is so often the struggle of motherhood ? in the tediousness of every day, finding the deeper meaning in what we are doing, as well as the assurance that we are exactly where we are supposed to be.?Because as mothers, we know our job is eternally important. We know that it is our high privilege to teach, train, and shape our children into the people they will become. But that does not change the fact that motherhood is tedious and often boring.

To compensate for the day to day tediousness, and in an effort to find more meaning, we often shoot out in all directions. We fill our spare time with activities that entertain, distract, and temporarily relieve us from the mundaneness of our every day lives.?We join committees, book clubs, organizations, and tennis teams ? anything that piques our interest. We grow increasingly busy, but ultimately we feel unfulfilled.

But why, if we are entertained and distracted, enjoying some much needed space from our husbands and kids, are we unfulfilled? We are unfulfilled because we are not doing what God has created us to do.

God has created each one of us for a specific purpose. Just as we can look at our children and see how wonderfully each one of them was created by God, so also did He knit each of us together in our own unique way and design us for a specific purpose. And even though the majority of our time is already spoken for, and?the primary roles as wives, mothers, daughters, or friends, are already filled, God still has secondary roles for us to fulfill in our lives.

But have we ever thought about what those secondary roles might be? Or what exactly the Lord wants?us?to fill our lives with, in addition to our roles as wives, mothers, and daughters??Has He really called us to this committee or that book club or whatever other activities we are involved in? Is the stuff we are filling our time with really what we are supposed to be doing?

Have we ever?stepped back from the busyness of our lives and?asked the Lord,?what have you created me to do? And have we ever slowed down enough to hear the Lord?s answer to that question?

Asking the Lord, what have you created me to do? can be a hard question to ask. The?answer may not come quickly. The answer also may not be what we expect.?And receiving the answer may mean we have to make some space in our lives ? space for quiet reflection ? so we can actually know where the Lord is leading us.

For some people, the answer may hit them like a bolt of lightning. For others, it may be a slow leading, over a long period of time. But however the answer comes, we can rest assured that God will show us what we are meant to do.?He loves us and wants us spend our lives doing what He created us to do.

If you are not doing what you feel God has created you to do, have the courage to break free. Drop out of your tennis club and go volunteer if that is what God is calling you to do. Or stop volunteering and go join a tennis club if that is what God is calling you to do. Whatever it is, just do what you were created you to do.

Because we are not required to do what everyone around us is doing. And it is okay to do things differently than your mama, your sister, your mother-in-law, and your friends. All that matters is that you do what God has called you to do, in whatever season of life you are in.

My own life is far from perfect. So many days are hard and frustrating. And every once in awhile all my anxieties bubble to the surface and I completely come apart, overcome with worry.

I worry that I have missed the Lord?s leading. I worry that I am on the wrong track. I worry that I am not giving my children what they need. I worry that I am not cut out for what the Lord has called me to do, which is to homeschool my oldest child and teach my littlest one to hear and speak.

I think about everything I don?t have a grip on in my life. I think about all the things I need to improve upon. I make mental lists of all the things I am not doing very well, and so often the list seems insurmountable.

But then I remember, once my fit of anxiety and tears have passed, that this is what the Lord has called me to do. And on both good days and bad days, I feel His peace. This is what He has created me to do right now, at this moment of my life, and it is good.

So wherever you are in life, I encourage you. Love your husband, raise your children, and figure out what else God has created you to do. And then go do it. Because it is the people who ask and pray and listen and then go do what they were created to do who ultimately do the most for God.

And living such a life?is a life at the center of God?s will. It is a life without regret. And it is a life fulfilled.

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